I try so hard to stay away from that monster but sometimes the craving overwhelmes me and I get consumed by it all over again...
but to think of it maybe I'm fooling myself.
Maybe I'm not really trying at all.
I don't understand myself sometimes.

I know I could lose everything.
And it would be all my fault.
nobody to blame.

And yet that Want, that Desire, that Hunger is stronger than I.

I seem to lose track of everything else because I want it so badly.

I want to be in the center of everyone and the monster helps me do just that.

And after everytime I consume it I tell myself I don't need it, I'm better off without it.


Then I get that Craving again ~ and it feels so good to Give Into It.